In 1979 in the Soviet city of Odessa on the Black Sea, a young man confronted a problem that would forever alter the course of his existence. This 17-year-old Jewish man, who wanted most to become a doctor, was denied the possibility of admission to medical school because of his religion. It could have been an end to a dream.

My determination to become a physician, and my parents’ support of that ambition, turned our lives upside down. We applied for a visa to leave Russia; while we waited, my parents and older brother were not allowed to work, and all of us were followed by the KGB. When we finally arrived in America in 1980,we had to make our way to Seattle without funds, friends, or command of English. My father, who is an engineer, was reduced to working as a plumber, while I began each day at 5 a.m. unloading trucks. Life was a struggle, but we were all sustained by a dream: my goal of studying to become a doctor.

Within a year of my arrival here, after attending night school to learn the language, I was able to obtain a job as an X-ray orderly at a local hospital. In this position, and later as an admitting aide, I was able over a period of three years to learn much more about American medicine. I had extensive contact with patients, doctors, nurses, and administrators and found I was able to relate well to each group. I saw suffering, healing, death, and all of the other constants that make up any hospital environment. I had an opportunity to observe surgeries, from mastectomies to hysterectomies and bypasses, and to see firsthand the importance of positive doctor-patient interactions. I was fascinated by everything I saw and became more convinced than ever that I could one day make my finest contribution as a physician.
When I first entered college, I had enormous problems with English, especially scientific terminology, and my GPA was an unremarkable 2.84. However, as I mastered the language, my grades steadily improved; in fact, in the last three quarters I’ve earned a 3.8 GPA.

Beginning in 1984,I worked as a volunteer in the autopsy room at my university’s pathology department, amassing more than 500 hours’ experience. Just as the hospital provided me with a chance to observe diagnosis and treatment, the autopsy room gave me a chance to find out what goes wrong, what causes death. In that room it was possible for me to see death, smell it, touch it. I prepared organs for examination by medical students as well as assisted in autopsies and cleaning up. I was even awarded a highly sought-after scholarship in recognition of my work. . . .

I first became interested in medicine in high school, when I sat in on my brother’s medical school lectures and later accompanied him on hospital rounds. My commitment to becoming a doctor, and my excitement over the prospect of being able to serve others in this capacity, is what has driven me and kept me going in the face of so many obstacles since my departure from Russia. Now, with my goal in sight and so many recent experiences reaffirming my passion for medicine, I know that all of the dedication and sacrifice have been worthwhile. I am eager to begin my medical studies, eager to meet the challenges I know they will present.

點(diǎn)評：

又是一個(gè)標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的5大段，很標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的英文小文章。

第一段，開頭。說了一下自己苦難的開端。大概敘述了一下自己的經(jīng)歷，因?yàn)樗臅r(shí)間比較敏感，所以更多的引入了一些政治同情分。以當(dāng)時(shí)的情況這是一個(gè)很好的開頭。

第二段，過度。對于自己的經(jīng)歷進(jìn)行進(jìn)一步的引入。在俄羅斯受到的待遇，初到美國遇到的困難。

第三段，主體引入。主要通過自己在美國一年之內(nèi)的經(jīng)歷，當(dāng)然了主要是專業(yè)方面的，來引入自己對專業(yè)的興趣，以及自己學(xué)習(xí)的精神和能力。

第四段，主體。通過對自己在學(xué)院里的學(xué)習(xí)經(jīng)歷，自己的成績?nèi)绾蔚某砷L。自己的在專業(yè)方面的經(jīng)歷背景，以及自己獲得的獎勵(lì)，通過這些描述以達(dá)到讓讀者看到作者專業(yè)潛力的目的。

第五段，結(jié)尾。對全文進(jìn)行了一次綜合性的總結(jié)，升華，告訴讀者自己為什么想學(xué)習(xí)醫(yī)學(xué)，自己的職業(yè)目標(biāo)是什么。

優(yōu)點(diǎn)很多。有一點(diǎn)，作者在寫著篇文章的時(shí)候，很審時(shí)度勢的選擇了美國人當(dāng)時(shí)的大眾心理，很好的運(yùn)用了自己政治加分?？赡苡泻芏嗳硕加型瑯咏?jīng)歷，但是作者在整個(gè)敘述的過程當(dāng)中文字拿捏得非常的準(zhǔn)確，很能讓人信服，可以說兩者一迭加就注定了這篇文章的成功。我相信作者是在美國生活了很長時(shí)間後做的申請。因?yàn)樗梢院芎玫鸟{馭整篇文章的結(jié)構(gòu)。我上一些英文寫作課的時(shí)候，美國的老師經(jīng)常會告訴我們，英文應(yīng)該和你們的母語表達(dá)的形式不一樣，所以你要適應(yīng)英文的寫作，要記住文章最好的結(jié)構(gòu)就是5大段。

但是我覺得有一點(diǎn)，在敘述自己專業(yè)背景的時(shí)候可以用更多些的筆墨就好了。我個(gè)人認(rèn)為如果有更多一些的專業(yè)成分在里面的話會讓整片文章看起來更飽滿一些。再有一點(diǎn)，我覺得這個(gè)作者的有一些政治同情分在里面不值得我們大家去模仿。畢竟時(shí)代不一樣了，冷戰(zhàn)隨著蘇聯(lián)的解體已經(jīng)結(jié)束，世界也不會再有冷戰(zhàn)了。所以他的模式你看看就好，你即使模仿你也沒有了時(shí)代背景，要知道美國人也是與時(shí)俱進(jìn)的。

譯文:

俄羅斯移民

在 1979 年，在黑海上的蘇聯(lián) Odessa 市中，一個(gè)年輕人面對了一個(gè)會永遠(yuǎn)地改變他命運(yùn)的問題。 一個(gè)17歲的猶太人，僅僅是因?yàn)樗淖诮绦叛龆会t(yī)學(xué)院拒之門外。這對于他的夢來說也許詩歌句點(diǎn)。

我決心成為一個(gè)內(nèi)科醫(yī)生，并且我的父母支持我這樣的決定，這樣可以停止我們混亂的生活。然后我們申請了簽證想要離開俄羅斯，當(dāng)我們等待簽證的時(shí)候，我的父母和我的大哥不允許工作，并且我們天天會被克格勃跟蹤。當(dāng)我們在1980年抵達(dá)美國的時(shí)候，我們必須在西雅圖必須要解決沒有錢，朋友和英文基礎(chǔ)。 我的父親是一個(gè)工程師,但是不得不去當(dāng)一名水管工人，并且每天早上5點(diǎn)就開始工作去卸載卡車。生活是競爭，但是我們都有同樣的一個(gè)夢: 我要成為一名醫(yī)生的夢想。

在我到達(dá)美國的這一年時(shí)間里，在進(jìn)入夜校學(xué)習(xí)語言之后，我在一所當(dāng)?shù)氐尼t(yī)院獲得了一個(gè)作為 X光室的小工這樣的工作。 在這個(gè)職位中, 和稍后的副手的職位，我有了一個(gè)三年的機(jī)會去學(xué)習(xí)更多的美國醫(yī)療方面的知識。我有了和病人、醫(yī)生、護(hù)士和管理者廣泛的聯(lián)系并且我可以和他們保持很好的關(guān)系。我看見了苦難、康復(fù)、死亡和其他所有組成醫(yī)院環(huán)境的常數(shù)。我有了一個(gè)機(jī)會觀察手術(shù),從 乳房切除到子宮切除, 并且直接地看到了醫(yī)生和病人之間互動的重要性。我被我所看到的每一件事情所迷倒，并且我更相信我有一天可以作為一個(gè)內(nèi)科醫(yī)生并作出最大的貢獻(xiàn)。

當(dāng)我最初進(jìn)入了學(xué)院的時(shí)候，我在英文方面有很大的問題，尤其在專業(yè)詞匯，并且我的平均學(xué)分也很平常只有2.84。然而, 當(dāng)我戰(zhàn)勝了語言問題時(shí), 我的成績有了顯著和穩(wěn)定的提高。事實(shí)上, 在最后3/4的時(shí)間里我的成績已經(jīng)達(dá)到了3.8。在 1984 年初，我在大學(xué)的病理學(xué)部門的驗(yàn)尸房中擔(dān)任志愿者, 我得到了500多小時(shí)的工作經(jīng)。正如醫(yī)院提供一個(gè)給我觀察診斷和治療的機(jī)會，驗(yàn)尸房給了我一個(gè)機(jī)會發(fā)現(xiàn)什么出了毛病,引起死亡。在那間房間中，給了我機(jī)會看到死亡,感覺它，解除它。我為醫(yī)科學(xué)生的考試準(zhǔn)備了器官就像我協(xié)助驗(yàn)尸并清理尸體一樣。我被授予了獎學(xué)金，在我的工作被認(rèn)可了之后......

我最早是在高中的時(shí)候?qū)︶t(yī)學(xué)產(chǎn)生了興趣，當(dāng)我在聽我哥哥的醫(yī)學(xué)院演講時(shí)和后來我跟隨他取醫(yī)院里輪轉(zhuǎn)的時(shí)候。 我許諾我會成為一個(gè)醫(yī)生，并且想到用我的能力可以為其他的人服務(wù)我就激動, 這就是那個(gè)可以讓我在離開俄羅斯之后不斷戰(zhàn)勝困難保持前進(jìn)的動力?，F(xiàn)在, 我眼中的目標(biāo)和我的豐富經(jīng)歷讓我保持著對醫(yī)學(xué)的熱情，我知道我之前所有的努力和犧牲都是值得的。我期待我的醫(yī)學(xué)課程，我期待這些挑戰(zhàn)并且我知道他們一定會來......