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文書點評:逃離——Runway

2013年02月21日來源:美國留學(xué)網(wǎng)作者: 萬佳留學(xué)
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My heart pounded as I pressed my head against the cool glass of the front door. It was a blistering 99 degrees in Florida, but the air-conditioned glass provided my flushed cheek with instant relief. I had finally made it to this place I had heard so much about from my friends on the street. It was a shelter for runaways that helped teenagers in crisis, and I was one of them. Who would have thought, to look at me, that I would end up there? Hadn’t I always been invincible?

I had left home shortly before my sixteenth birthday. Standing on the front steps of the shelter, staring down at my grungy sneakers and the oversized sweatshirt that seemed somewhat impractical in the Florida heat, I realized, perhaps for the first time, that I would never be returning home. I would never go to my senior prom or school football games or movies with my friends on a Saturday night. And I would never know the feeling of returning to the safety and comfort of my parents’ house.

Of course, movies and proms and other pleasures of carefree adolescence were the furthest thing from my mind while I was growing up. Instead, I was consumed with worry and determined to acquire basic survival skills. When I did leave home at sixteen, I traveled all the way from my mother’s house in Connecticut to the shelter in Florida. What would possess a child to leave at that age and attempt to live the life of an adult, with all of the real-world responsibilities that go along with adulthood? Without getting into too much detail, I will simply admit that life in my home was unbearable. Though my decision to leave may have seemed dangerous or foolish in the eyes of society, it was, for me, the only way to live a life free of abuse. “I made it, ” I thought to myself as a woman opened the shelter door, though making it didn’t feel quite like I thought it would. I was still just a lonely sixteen-year-old living off of McDonald’s hamburgers and trudging along in my Converse high-tops. Where was I going from here?

After entering the shelter, I spoke to a counselor who asked if she could call my parents to let them know I was safe. I eventually consented, but only because she promised not to disclose my whereabouts. She would merely assure my parents that I was alive and well. After the counselor made the call, I was struck with panic, certain that I would be found and promptly returned to my parents’ “care.” I left the shelter immediately, phoned my biological father in Boston, and took a greyhound that evening to see him. I stayed with him for two weeks while I enrolled in high school, got an after-school job, and found a roommate to share a less-than-desirable apartment in a less-than-desirable neighborhood. I was inexperienced and ill-equipped to handle life as an adult, but at least I was on my own. I could finally exhale.

Needless to say, working and attending school full-time proved to be quite an undertaking. I was stunned by the bills that started arriving in the mail: phone bills, electric bills, water bills -- it had never occurred to me that I’d have to pay for those luxuries! Looking back, I feel immense gratitude to my landlord. While he received his rent payments on a consistent basis, they were always late.

Once I started living on my own, I was determined to succeed. Rent payments, bills, and other adult concerns were nothing compared to the fear I had felt while living in my parents’ home. So I continued to build my life, keeping a job, paying rent, and eventually finishing high school. Shortly after graduation, I signed up for evening classes at Northeastern University. But it was not yet my time. I didn’t possess the maturity to study effectively; instead, I held down a consistent job, grew up a little more, and contemplated my future. Though I’d suffered some hard knocks, I was always hopeful and optimistic that I would, eventually, have a successful career. It was some years later, through careful introspection that I decided to pursue a career in law. I enrolled in college in the evening, working during the day to support myself.

Now that my college education is almost complete, I am more determined than ever to fulfill my long-term goals. My passion is, naturally, family law. I hope to one day serve as an advocate for children who, like me, were not given unconditional support from their own families. Though my own colorful past was never easy, I am grateful that it brought me to this wonderful place. I can now say, without hesitation, that I know where I am headed; I am no longer in search of a shelter or a path for my life.

點評:

這可以看做是另一個版本的《成長的煩惱》以及主人公如何克服越過這段迷茫的時期最終找到目標(biāo)的故事。作者和我們分享了他的成長歷程,以及這段經(jīng)歷對他之后人生目標(biāo)的影響。

文章大體可以分為兩個部分,前四段非常生動的描述了作者16歲時離家出走的經(jīng)歷,包括行動、談話和想法,具有鏡頭感的文字一瞬間就吸引了讀者;后三段則是一般性的記敘,交待自己邊讀書邊工作,而后決定申請法學(xué),成為家庭法領(lǐng)域?qū)<业哪繕?biāo)??梢哉f前面的長篇經(jīng)歷就是為了后面目標(biāo)的確立做下的鋪墊。

寫法上,作者將大部分筆墨花在了年少時的經(jīng)歷上,雖然讀者并不能知道他到底是為了什么事情不得不離家出走——只能從最后一段知道是“沒有從家里得到無條件支持”,但是這并不妨礙讀者體會到作者迷茫、不安、恐懼然而又非此不能為的無助,并且留下深深的印象。這與作者流暢的語言和真實的情感是分不開的;而后在談到獨立后的生活,口吻就變得比較平和、冷靜,表現(xiàn)出作者在心智和閱歷上的成熟,最后自然而然的推出自己的申請目標(biāo),有水到渠成之感。

這樣的寫法很有感染力,讓人充分認(rèn)識到申請者的性格和思想。然而缺陷也是存在的。在于缺乏專業(yè)性的表述,并且一處理不好就會有頭重腳輕之感。所以寫作這樣體裁的文章一定要慎重。

譯文:

逃離

把頭抵在前門冰冷的玻璃上,我的心在狂跳。佛羅里達現(xiàn)在的氣溫高達99華度,但被空調(diào)吹得沁涼的玻璃立刻讓我發(fā)燙的臉頰舒服下來了。我最終離開了那些狐朋狗友,來到了這個我一直渴望來的地方。這里是一個離家出走者的庇護站,專門幫助有困難的青少年,而我就是這有困難的青少年之一。看著這樣的我,誰會想到我最后竟然會來到這個地方?我不是總是保持不敗的嗎?

16歲生日過后不久,我就離開了家里。站在庇護所前門的臺階上,低頭望著我那臟兮兮的球鞋還有過于寬松的T-Shirt;在佛羅里達這樣炎熱的天氣里,穿這樣的衣服明顯不合適, 我首次意識到,我將可能不再回家了。我可能將無法參加高中的舞會、學(xué)校的足球比賽、甚至周六晚上和朋友出去看電影。而我也將永遠(yuǎn)不能感覺回到家里的那種安全感和舒適感。

當(dāng)然,隨著我的成長,電影和舞會以及無憂無慮的青春期中一些其它的娛樂活動在我的思想中占的比重逐漸減到最少。我大部分的時間都消耗在了擔(dān)憂和下定決心如何掌握基本的生存技巧上。到16歲真的要離開媽媽在康維涅狄格州的房子時,我獨自闖蕩,來到了佛羅里達州的庇護所。到底是什么促使一個孩子在這個年紀(jì)離家,嘗試去過成人的生活,肩負(fù)成人生活所帶來的現(xiàn)實世界中的所有責(zé)任呢?我不愿意講太多的細(xì)節(jié),只能承認(rèn)在家里的生活實在無法忍受。盡管我離家出走的決定在社會的眼中是一個危險或者愚蠢的決定,但是對于我來說,這是唯一可以擺脫虐待的方法?!拔页晒α耍 碑?dāng)一個女人打開庇護所的門時,我心里想著,雖然和我預(yù)想的感覺很不一樣。我還是一個孤獨的16歲少年,把麥當(dāng)勞的漢堡當(dāng)正餐來吃,穿著匡威高幫運動鞋。我要從這里出發(fā)去哪里?

進入庇護所以后,我和一個顧問談了話,她問我可不可以給我的父母打個電話報平安。我最后同意了,但前提是她不能泄露我的行蹤。她僅僅是告訴我的父母我還活著也還好。當(dāng)那個顧問打完電話以后,我陷入深深的恐懼中,我肯定會被找到然后會被迅速地送回到我父母的“關(guān)愛”中。于是我馬上離開庇護所,打電話給我在波士頓的生父,然后坐上傍晚的灰狗長途客車去看望他。我在他那里住了2個星期,這段期間,我重新入讀高中,找到了一份工作,也找到了一個室友合租一個不甚理想的套間,有一個不甚理想的鄰居。我還沒有經(jīng)驗也還沒有準(zhǔn)備好去適應(yīng)成人的生活,但至少我現(xiàn)在有了自己的生活。我終于可以松一口氣了。

不用說,同時工作和學(xué)習(xí)是一項多么龐大的工程。我被涌入郵箱的大量帳單嚇壞了:電話單,電費單,水費單-我從來沒有意識到我要為這些花銷付費?,F(xiàn)在回想過去,我真的很感謝我的房東。他是收房租時一并收取這些費用的,但是我總是很遲才交。

一旦我開始了靠自己去生活,我就決心要成功。房租,賬單還有其它成人世界的規(guī)則都無法和我還住在父母家里時的恐懼可比。所以我繼續(xù)著我的生活,工作、付房租,直到最后完成高中學(xué)業(yè)。畢業(yè)后不久,我報名參加了東北大學(xué)的夜校。但時機未到,我還沒有成熟到可以有效地自學(xué)。于是我找到一份固定的工作,覺得自己又成長了一點。同時,我開始思考未來的事情。在此期間,雖然也遭受到一些重大打擊,但是我總是充滿希望,樂觀地相信我最終會事業(yè)有成。這樣過了幾年,經(jīng)過深思熟慮,我決定要從事法律方面的職業(yè)。因此我白天工作以支付學(xué)費,晚上去讀夜校以學(xué)習(xí)知識。

現(xiàn)在我的大專教育基本結(jié)束了,所以我比以前更想實現(xiàn)我的長期目標(biāo)。我感興趣的領(lǐng)域自然是家庭法。我希望有一天可以成為這個領(lǐng)域的專家,幫助像我當(dāng)年那樣,沒有從家里得到無條件支持的孩子。盡管我經(jīng)歷豐富,備嘗艱辛,但我仍很感激有這樣的過去,因為它把我?guī)У搅艘粋€美好的地方。我現(xiàn)在可以毫不猶豫地說,我清楚知道自己的目的地,我不再需要為我的生活尋找一個庇護所,或是一條道路。

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